2003
"Welcome to Norwood, Ohio, where you're always wide right." Aaron
"It's the Ronald Reagan expressway. Everyone hurry up and forget where you are."
Aaron
"You couldn't have caught up to that one in a Corvette." Gonzo
"Oh great, they're gonna rob each other." Aaron
"Matchbook 20" Cathy
"I'd like the cheese sticks with mozzarella sauce. Oh, wait, I'm in Whitewater."
Aaron
"Ah shit, you gotta drink some Coke" Jerry
"Tom Penis" Aaron (in refrence to Fox 6's Tom Pipines)
2004
"You don't have to wear a seatbelt. I got my feet all over the place," (Perry)..."That's
why he is wearing his seatbelt." Aaron
"I don't want the van coming back with honky lips painted on it!" Greg
"Remember in Milwaukee when I said I wanted to see two stadiums on this trip? Well,
I didn't mean Busch and Wrigley." Aaron (in reference to our detour)
"I saw Fereheight 9/11 too" (Gabe)..."There's only been one." Aaron
"Everybody's so goddamn easygoing down here." Gabe
"(Gabe's) never going to be a politician when I let the cat out of the bag that he supports Saddam."
Perry
"I want to hump you." Jerry
"I'd have to get his insurance money" Perry (in reference to a horse staring him down)
"This magazine says Duante Culpepper is the best fantasy quarterback," (Perry)..."No, you
are!" Gabe
"You have a Yugo?" Gabe
"I've never met anyone quite like you." Jerry (to Perry)
"I wasn't sure if it was a thong or underwear that ripped." Perry
"Stevie 'the dragon kick' Lee" Gabe (talking about Ricky 'the Dragon' Steamboat)
"Just because you call me 'Apples' doesn't mean I have a worm." Aaron
"Wait, he really doesn't have a face" (Gabe)..."Yeah, I know, but I'm still laughing at him."
Perry
"I think the yolk is the aborted fetus." Gabe
"There's enough kids running around here to make Michael Jackson happy." Aaron
2005
"(Hulk Hogan's) balls probably hang down to the floor when he's not wearing pants."
Aaron
"Jerry, do you have a story that Perry can shit all over?" Aaron
"Are you looking at that ugly girl driving next to us?" Lesley (it was a man)
"I can't see anything, I'm wearing my glasses." Cathy
"The Waffle House is a notch below George Webb's." Jerry
"There's too many fucking rollercoasters for it to be an ocean." Aaron
"Four score and seven years ago our forefathers said go back into the field." Aaron
"(Katie Holmes) has got all that sperm in her eye." Aaron
"The more I watch Golden Girls the more I realize that I'm Rose, and that sucks." Lesley
"Do trailer parks have air conditioning." Lesley
"It's better to fuck your son in the ass than have your dick sucked by a girl" Chris
"She was wet for weeks." Chris
"I'm getting the stare of David." Aaron
"What are you going to do with the other nine fingers?" Perry
"That may officially be the ugliest hat ever," (Aaron)..."Where?"...(Perry)..."On the
scoreboard," (Aaron)..."Oh, I thought it was a hot fudge sundae." Perry
2006
"Do we want to try lunch?" (Aaron)..."You say that like we've never eaten lunch before." Chris
"I've stuck my disck through her hundreds of times," (Perry)..."Damn Parry, you must go through
a lot of pictures!" Steve O.
"Hey, you scratch my back and I'll fuck you in the ass." Perry
"You almost wreck the vehicle once and you're already sick of traffic?" Aaron
"It tastes like black cherry ass." Chris
"Even Gary, Indiana thinks that's ridiculous!" Steve O.
"That guy said it took an hour to get to Pittsburgh," (Perry)..."Yeah, in a helicopter." Chris
"Gonzo, did an icecube wrong you in a former life?" Chris (because Gonzo drinks beverages
without ice)
"And you, with your hand up my ass like I'm a puppet." Gonzo (telling Aaron to drink during a game of asshole)
"My boyfriend's not here...he's in Milton." Megan
"Can I talk to her? Oh shit, that's the end button." Aaron (while intentionally hanging up on someone).
"No, this is Sgt. Klebowicz of the Cuyahoga Falls Police Department. How may I help
you? (silence on phone) I am sorry, but they're getting a cavity search, but I think you are too!" Gonzo
"Cathy, most Jews don't go down," (Gonzo) "Only for jewelry!" Cathy
"There's not enough room in this conversation to discuss Chris's penis." Cathy
"That's against state driving cde 35-22.1," (Chris)..."And you know that's not true because he can't even
read." Cathy
"That's a big hose," (Perry)..."That's great, we don't even need to say the obvious joke!"
(Aaron)..."What? Just like your mom's?" Gonzo
"(Chicago) is the only place you can have a traffic jam with no cars." Gonzo
"Ptt. I spit on Wrigley Field," (Gonzo)..."No, you spit on the window." Megan
